The Premier League Awards 2014

The red carpet has been swept.  The orchestra is tuning up.  The MC is nervously checking cue cards and sucking cough sweets.  Yes, ladies and gentleman, it is time for the inaugural annual alternativesportsblog Premier League Awards for outstanding achievement or underachievement for achievements achieved during the 2013/14 Premier League season (snappy title I think you’ll agree).  Sadly the winners of these prestigious awards haven’t as yet got back to us to confirm which date would be best for them to hold the actual ceremony (for England’s players, obviously any date from the start of the World Cup 2nd round), so while we await their responses (probably a problem at the sorting office or something) here are the winners.

Player of the Year: Luis Suarez

An extremely close call this one – the two outstanding players this season have been Suarez and Yaya Toure.  Toure is an outstanding talent, probably the most complete player in the world (I can’t think of anyone else who could hold his own so well in every outfield position), and I agree with him that he doesn’t have the status in world football he deserves.  His passing is immaculate, his energy relentless, his penalty taking nerveless, his free-kicks Beckham-esque, and the precision of his long range curler against Fulham was beautiful (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QdMC8nAG_Qk).  However, Suarez has that magical ability to make crowds gasp in amazement at some of his play.  This quality doesn’t necessarily make a great player (Adel Taarabt is by far the most talented player I’ve ever seen, and no-one thinks he should be player of the year), but this season Suarez has allied it to deadly finishing and some bewitching link-up play.  Yes he’s a bit of a prat, but, similar to Dennis Bergkamp at Arsenal, his vision and style has lifted the performance of those around him, leading to some dazzling football from Liverpool’s front five this season.

Goal of the Year:

RDW: Jack Wilshere (Arsenal v Norwich)  There have been quite a few crackers this season –Wayne Rooney v West Ham and Jonjo Shelvey v Aston Villa both showcased quickness of thought and superb technique, while Alexander Tettey’s volley for Norwich v Sunderland was the sort of shot that ends of knocking over someone’s Bovril 99 times out of 100.  Pajtim Kasami’s homage a Van Basten against Crystal Palace was wonderfully controlled as was Morgan Amaltifano’s effort v Cardiff, and I’ve got a soft spot for Tomas Rosicky’s goal against Sunderland, a brilliant finish to a lovely move.  My favourite, though, is another Arsenal team goal, a bewildering move featuring Santi Cazorla, Olivier Giroud and Jack Wilshere.  The speed of thought is astonishing as before you know it Wilshere is tapping a deceptively cute volley past John Ruddy following an evisceration rarely seen this side of a post mortem.  Even in slow motion, you can’t quite believe that Wilshere’s flick with the back of the heel to Giroud actually happened.

DDW: Pajtim Kasami (Crystal Palace vs Fulham)  I can’t believe there’s even a debate about this.  The way Kasami controls the ball on his chest and shoots first time without breaking stride beggars belief.  The fact that he had the audacity to even attempt such a shot from such an acute angle is a feat in itself.  Obvious comparisons will be made to Marco Van Basten’s goal in the 1988 European Championship final.  Kasami’s isn’t quite in that league but it more than deserves the incredible honour that is our goal of the season award.  (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r9IkIKpmnVM)

Honourable Mentions:

Jonjo Shelvey Swansea vs Aston Villa (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KxAl2PcCigg)

Alexander Tettey Norwich vs Sunderland (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=18ypx2NinTw)

Jack Wilshere Arsenal vs Norwich (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fNMKlFkDEKs)

Manager of the Year: Tony Pulis

If Manuel Pellegrini wasn’t such a nice bloke, you’d suspect he might be getting a bit irked at having won two trophies, in some considerable style too, yet being barely mentioned as a potential manager of the year, but the truth is such an achievement was the minimum requirement given the resources at his disposal.  Brendan Rodgers did a magnificent job at Liverpool, encouraging his team to produce some of the most exhilarating football ever seen in the Premier League, but he was either unable or unwilling to adapt his tactics for the crucial home match with Chelsea, where perhaps more patience was required.  Pulis took over a dispirited Crystal Palace side, seemingly lacking in any sort of ability and bereft of last season’s leading scorer (Glenn Murray) and best player (Wilfried Zaha), and turned them into a resilient mid-table outfit.  A bit like Stoke really.  He even managed to turn Damien Delaney (who I watched from behind my hands at QPR) into something resembling a Premier League defender, which is no mean feat.

Tosser of the Year: Jose Mourinho

As always, a hotly contested category, with Vincent Tan’s treatment of Malky Mackay, along with his appointment of the work experience boy Alisher Apsalyamov as head of recruitment, meaning he scores quite high on the tosser-o-meter, but Jose Mourinho has been constantly graceless, classless, hypocritical and generally obnoxious.  For some reason when he first arrived in English football in 2004, the press fawned all over him, lapping up his egotistical schtick.  This time round, however, he’s a little older, a little greyer, and even less likeable, with his post-match press conferences consisting of little more than poisonous barbs aimed at other managers, the FA, and referees.  It is little wonder that members of his Chelsea team (whether on the pitch or off) regularly lose control, if their manager is always behaving like a spoilt 6-year-old.

Best Match: Liverpool 3-2 Manchester City

Obvious, perhaps, but a real feast of attacking football between by far the two most entertaining teams in the league.  Liverpool, as was customary in the second half of the season, started like a train, racing into a two goal lead, before a combination of David Silva’s invention and Liverpool’s defensive clusterfuckery (it’s a real word, honest) allowed City to equalise.  Momentum was with City, but, in what appeared to be a pivotal moment, Vincent Kompany sliced a clearance to allow Philippe Coutinho to score the winner.  Combined with the emotions involved with the 25th anniversary of the Hillsborough disaster, it was a truly unforgettable game.  Honourable mentions must go to Everton 3-3 Liverpool, Manchester City 6-3 Arsenal and the last 11 minutes of Crystal Palace 3-3 Liverpool.

Best Signing: Wilfried Bony

There have been several shrewd signings this season, but none with the impact of Robin van Persie or Michu from last season.  Everton bought James McCarthy, worth less than half a Marouane Fellaini apparently, who was the model of consistency, while a couple of loan signings, Gareth Barry and Romelu Lukaku, were their most influential players.  Chelsea have done some marvellous business, re-signing Nemanja Matic (albeit for 7 times more than what they sold him for), while both Andre Schurrle and Willian look like they will have a more prominent part to play next year.  And Jason Puncheon, one penalty aside, has brought pace and creativity to an otherwise prosaic Crystal Palace attack.  Bony, however, has been utterly crucial for Swansea this season, scoring 30% of their Premier League goals, and being frankly a right pain to play against.  In another season, Swansea could have been one of those teams that are ‘too good to go down.’  They were lucky that this year’s league contained plenty of teams that were too shit to stay up.

Worst Signing: Ricky van Wolfswinkel

If there were few candidates for best signing of the season, then the shortlist for worst signing carried on to a second piece of A4.  Pretty much everyone that Liverpool signed in the summer was poor, particularly Iago Aspas and the rarely spotted Luis Alberto, while Cardiff signed Andreas Cornelius for a large fee before selling him back whence he came for a couple of welsh cakes and book of part-songs.  Fulham splurged £11 million on Kostas Mitroglou, who would apparently bang in the goals to keep them up.  He played for a grand total of 153 minutes and looked as likely to score as a spotty teenage chess player at the Miss World afterparty.  Marouane Fellaini cost Manchester United an arm and a leg, and then spent the remainder of the season wandering around the field looking utterly petrified in case he made a mistake.  All these players would be worthy winners, but van Wolfswinkel has been utterly abysmal – he fluked a goal on the first day of the season, and since then failed to contribute at all to a pretty sterile Norwich attack.  For £8.5 million, surely a little more was expected.

Goalkeeping performance of the season: Tim Krul (Tottenham Hotspur vs Newcastle United)

Literally, and I’m not being hyperbolic here, one of the great performances of modern times.  The Dutch stopper has been one of the Toon’s most consistent performers in recent seasons, but this took the biscuit.  Spurs had 20+ shots on goal and 14 on target but still big Tim wouldn’t let them score.  One save from a Christian Eriksen free kick will live long in the memory.  And it all contributed to a smash-and-grab win for Newcastle. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1GmULt7_cYI)

Pass of the season: Steven Gerrard (Fulham vs Liverpool)

I was watching this match in a bar in New York and I pretty much had to go and change my pants after seeing this pass.  The outside-of-the-foot technique, the vision to see Daniel Sturridge’s run, the perfect weight of pass so Sturridge didn’t have to break stride.  Even writing about it is getting me strangely aroused.  Thank god Sturridge managed to score otherwise Gerrard and I may have never forgiven him.  If you’re in bed with your partner tonight and the old magic isn’t really happening, forget Viagra.  This is all the aphrodisiac you’ll need. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-STfxqWxKRA)

Own-Goal of the season: Kolo Toure (Fulham vs Liverpool)

Quite a few contenders here.  In terms of volume, own-goal specialist Martin Skrtel did his utmost to get the award.  Vincent Kompany also threw his hat into the ring with a finish of pinpoint accuracy and finesse that most strikers could only dream of, Fulham the beneficiaries again (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nkiry9DQ6Jo).  But it was Kolo Toure, good old trusty Kolo, who wins the year’s most coveted award.  And what a goal it was.  It had everything.  A daisy-cutter of a cross, absolutely no pressure on the defence, the classic comical sliced clearance that seemed beyond the realms of physics leaving the goalkeeper no chance.  Clinical Kolo.  Everything one could want from an own-goal and more.  Toure has the sort of malco-ordination that makes Bambi look like she could take on Torvil & Dean in their pomp, and god bless him for it.  He provides Premier league audiences with hours of entertainment and long may it continue. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3w1aiQIFdMg)

Worst decision of the season: Raheem Sterling offside Manchester City vs Liverpool

Not that I’m biased, but as a Liverpool fan, this was an absolutely atrocious decision and obviously completely affected the final outcome of the title.  Had Sterling not been flagged offside when he was clearly two yards onside, Liverpool would have (probably) at worst, drawn the game, Steven Gerrard wouldn’t have slipped against Chelsea, and Liverpool would have won the league at a canter.  All the fault of some poxy linesman. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0s2XHIxOGVA)

Worst haircut of the season:  Sergio Aguero

It’s tempting to give the award to Olivier Giroud because, unlike Aguero, he doesn’t have the footballing talent to back up such an outrageous barnet which made him look all the more ridiculous.  But for the short-back-and-sides-comb-over, our winner is the little Argentine striker.  As the season went on, the sides got shorter and the comb-over got more luscious – and given he spent a proportion of the campaign on the sidelines, he had plenty of time to sack his barber.  Alas he didn’t, and it seems Aguero recommended him to Southampton trio Jay Rodriguez, Adam Lallana and Luke Shaw.  Oh for the days of Jason Lee and his pineapple.

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The Transfer Window

It’s the start of the silly season.  For the next month, all of the 20 Premier League clubs will be linked to all and sundry.  Don’t be surprised to see Buzz Lightyear mooted as Cardiff City’s new saviour, or Winnie the Pooh touted as the answer to Manchester United’s defensive frailties.  In January, in the words of Cole Porter, anything goes.  Chairmen, managers and agents are all working overtime in a bid to find the right formula for a final push for the title/to stave off relegation (delete as appropriate).  The January transfer window is rarely a good time for buying clubs.  Inflated prices mean that they often pay over the odds for players that they don’t really need.  Andy Carroll to Liverpool for £35m is a classic transfer window move, as is Fernando Torres to Chelsea for £50m the same season.  But there are bargains to be had: Luis Suarez cost a paltry £22m when he moved from Ajax to Liverpool in 2011 and Christophe Dugarry was the first real January transfer bargain when he helped save Birmingham City from relegation in 2003.  So who will make their move?  Expect to see clubs further down the table splashing the cash in a bid to avoid a relegation dogfight.  There may be one or two significant transfers amongst the top eight clubs but I would be surprised if a major signing was made.

 

Arsenal

Top of the league, through to the knock-out stages of the Champions League, and into the 4th round of the FA Cup, life could be worse for the Highbury club, all the more so if you consider the discontent around the Emirates a year ago.  They have turned round their fortunes with basically the same playing squad with two major additions – Mesut Özil and Mathieu Flamini.  However, with Theo Walcott and hairdressing’s Nicklas Bendtner both injured and Olivier Giroud struggling for fitness, Lukas Podolski is Arsene Wenger’s only fit forward (himself having only recently returned from injury) so the Gunners may require extra back-up in that area.  Wenger is loath to do business in January but needs must if he is to secure Arsenal’s first trophy since 2005.

Linked to: Karim Benzema and Alvaro Morata (both Real Madrid), Diego Costa (Atletico Madrid), Pedro (Barcelona)

 

Aston Villa

Villa’s recent form has been poor, culminating in an embarrassing FA Cup loss at home to Sheffield United at the weekend.  They should have enough in reserve to avoid relegation and if they can get Christian Benteke scoring again they will be absolutely fine.  Villa haven’t splashed the cash recently, preferring to promote from within and have assembled an impressive array of home-grown talent.  They could probably do with a bit more quality in the centre of the park to complement Fabian Delph (Tom Huddlestone would be a good fit) and if Joleon Lescott becomes available he would be a good steadying buy for Paul Lambert’s team.  Villa may have to sell before he can buy though.  If that is the case, fringe players like Charles N’Zogbia (whatever happened to him?) and Alan Hutton may be vulnerable.

Linked to: Joleon Lescott (Man City), Wilfried Zaha (Manchester United), Wes Hoolahan (Norwich)

 

Cardiff City

Fuck knows why Ole Gunnar Solskjaer wants to be part of Vincent Tan’s Flying Circus of Nutjobbery but who am I to judge.  He seemed to galvanise the team in their 2-1 FA Cup victory at Newcastle at the weekend.  Scoring goals (and letting too many in) has been Cardiff’s achilles heel this season but if they re-discover their home form they might just stay in the division.  A proven goalscorer is a priority but they don’t exactly grow on trees.  Solskjaer is apparently bringing a couple of his countrymen in (midfielders Magnus Wolff Eikrem and Mats Moller Daehli since you ask) and I know shit-all about them so I can’t tell you if they’re any good or not.  I think someone like Darren Bent would be a good shout for the Bluebirds.  He knows where the goal is and can’t get a game for Fulham so he could be available, as might Jermain Defoe.  Equally someone like Jordan Rhodes from Blackburn would be a more long-term fix.

Linked to: Wilfried Zaha (Manchester United), Tom Ince (Blackpool), Magnus Wolff Eikrem (Heerenveen), Mats Moller Daehli (Molde)

 

Chelsea

Despite not playing anywhere near their potential, The Special One’s team are still in the title hunt, the Champions League and the FA Cup.  Their defence has been uncharacteristically porous and I can see Thibaut Courtois (currently on loan at high-flying Atletico Madrid) replacing veteran Petr Cech between the sticks next season.  Tellingly, Chelsea’s leading scorers this season (Edin Hazard and Oscar) are both midfielders.  The Blues do have plenty of striking talent (Fernando Torres, Demba Ba, Samuel Eto’o and Andre Schürrle) but they have not been doing the business and if their particularly turd record at signing strikers in the January window is anything to go buy, they would be well advised to keep their cash in the bank.  They need a long-term successor for Ashley Cole, though that will probably wait until the summer unless someone world-class becomes available.  They may also look in to a replacement for Frank Lampard when he finally hangs up his boots.  Both Juan Mata and Kevin de Bruyne have been linked with moves away from Stamford Bridge so another creative midfielder may be on his way to West London.  With Roman Abramovich running the show, expect the unexpected.

Linked to: Luke Shaw (Southampton), Diego Costa (Atletico Madrid), Nemanja Matic (Benfica), Radamel Falcao (Monaco), Jackson Martinez (Porto), Xabi Alonso (Real Madrid), Wayne Rooney (Manchester United)

 

Crystal Palace

Tony Pulis has certainly improved Palace’s results since his appointment in October.  They proved they really can play in their plucky 1-0 defeat to Manchester City in December.  Their defence has been pretty solid, but any side that regards Danny Gabbidon as a first choice needs to strengthen.  The Eagles also need more inspiration from midfield to ease the burden on Jason Puncheon.  A proven goalscorer wouldn’t go amiss either (they are the lowest scorers in the Premier League).  Dwight Gayle has only impressed in fits and starts, Marouane Chamakh has done OK but Cameron Jerome doesn’t have the goals in him to keep Palace in the Premier League.  On the bright side, they don’t need a new goalkeeper.

Linked to: Demba Ba (Chelsea), Jordan Rhodes (Blackburn), Joe Ledley (Celtic), Tom Ince (Blackpool), Nikica Jelavic (Everton)

 

Everton

Roberto Martinez’s appointment has been an absolute masterstroke.  Everton are playing with confidence and flair – something that was lacking under David Moyes.  This transfer window will be focussed on holding on to their prize assets such as Ross Barkley and Leighton Baines, rather than bringing new ones in.  Nevertheless, a new striker would be nice given the injury to Arouna Kone and the fall from grace of Nikica Jelavic.  They could also do with a bit more cover all over the pitch.  However that goes against their policy of promoting from within so whoever comes in will have to be a good fit.

Linked to: Wilfried Zaha (Manchester United), Aiden McGeady (Spartak Moscow), Shane Long (West Brom)

 

Fulham

The Cottagers (interesting choice of nickname) have been well below par this season.  Their defence has been leakier than a leaky tap aided in no small part by the ever (un)reliable Philippe Senderos.  New goalkeeper Maarten Stekelenburg hasn’t covered himself in glory since his move from Ajax – for me, the number two keeper David Stockdale is a safer pair of hands.  Another big problem has been Fulham’s home form.  Craven Cottage has not been as much of a fortress as it usually is.  Confidence isn’t exactly sky high though after their 6-0 humiliation against Hull.  The return of Clint Dempsey should help.  Rene Meulensteen has an important month ahead of him, even if it is simply instilling belief into his players.

Linked to: Phil Bardsley (Sunderland), Wilfried Zaha (Manchester United)

 

Hull City

The Tigers have been a revelation this season, basing their success on a solid defence and strong home form.  Apart from the Fulham thumping, goals have been hard to come by but they do have a strong midfield lead by the rejuvenated Tom Huddlestone.  Again, like most teams in the relegation zone, a proven Premier League goalscorer is top of their wish-list.

Linked to: Shola Ameobi (Newcastle United), Shane Long (West Brom), Steven Fletcher (Sunderland)

 

Liverpool

Brendan Rodgers has transformed Liverpool’s fortunes since they were languishing in mid-table at this point last season.  I think the Premier League title is beyond them this year but a Champions League spot is definitely within their grasp.  Maybe another young striker is required as back-up for Daniel Sturridge and Suarez.  Simon Mignolet in goal has not exactly convinced and the defence has been a little suspect recently after starting the season with three clean sheets, but with the free-scoring Suarez in their ranks, that hardly matters.  Perhaps their most important signing was tying the Uruguayan down to another long-term contract.

Linked to: Mohamed Salah (Basel), Arda Turan (Atletico Madrid), Emmanuel Agyemang-Badu (Udinese), Danny Ings (Burnley)

 

Manchester City

The richest team in the Premier League don’t exactly need much in the transfer window.  City’s attack is purring like a contented cat and when all their squad is fit, they could play two world class teams and beat almost anyone in the world.  Their central defence isn’t completely watertight however, and the continued absence of Vincent Kompany has not helped matters so another centre-back would be ideal but is not compulsory.  Joleon Lescott may have to leave to make space for a new arrival.  Joe Hart seems to have got over his bout of poor form so the goalkeeper position seems tied up.  The title is theirs to lose.

Linked to: Asmir Begovic (Stoke City), Nemanja Matic (Benfica), Eliaquim Mangala (Porto), Douglas Costa (Atletico Madrid)

 

Manchester United

Nothing has gone to plan for David Moyes in his a debut season as Manchester United manager.  Their big problem was the lack of world-class re-enforcements in the summer.  Instead they splurged £27m on Marouane Fellaini and £12m on Wilfried Zaha.  The injury to last season’s top scorer Robin van Persie has not helped matters and consequently the team has been relying too heavily on Wayne Rooney who is currently struggling for fitness.  The return of Nemanja Vidic to central defence should sure up the defence.  The main area that needs strengthening for me is the midfield.  Wesley Sneijder is always mentioned at this point every season but he is pushing 30 now.  Ross Barkley is the ideal signing but I doubt Everton will sell another one of their prized players to the Old Trafford club.  United are still sniffing around Leighton Baines like a randy dog and Fabio Coentrao is still on their radar but I would be very surprised if either of them were to move.  They have a real job on their hands getting into the Champions League next season.

Linked to: Fabio Coentrao (Real Madrid), Leighton Baines (Everton), Wesley Sneijder (Galatasaray), Marco Reus (Borussia Dortmund), Diego Costa (Atletico Madrid), Ross Barkley (Everton), Luke Shaw (Southampton), Koke (Atletico Madrid), Ilkay Gundogan (Borussia Dortmund), Eliaquim Mangala (Porto)

 

Newcastle United

The Magpies have had a promising season so far after a slow start.  On-loan striker Loic Remy has started banging in the goals and he has been ably backed up by Yohan Cabayé and Yoan Gouffran.  The ever-reliable Tim Krul has been solid between the posts and when Fabricio Coloccini is fit, the defence becomes a lot stingier.  Newcastle do not have any desperate need for re-enforcements but another reliable centre-back to partner Coloccini would be a welcome addition.  Cabaye seems to no longer be on Arsene Wenger’s radar anymore which will please manager Alan Pardew.  If they do buy someone, it’s a safe bet that they will be French.  Comfortable in mid-table and pushing for Europe.

Linked to: Luuk de Jong (Borussia Monchengladbach), Bafetimbi Gomis (Lyon), Ola Toivonen (PSV Eindhoven)

 

Norwich City

Chris Hughton’s men have had a strange season.  They play attractive football yet the results have not matched the performances and they find themselves just three points above the relegation zone.  Their midfield is very strong and Gary Hooper has been a fine acquisition from Celtic.  Like most teams in the relegation zone, Norwich can’t stop conceding goals.  Goalkeeper John Ruddy hasn’t been in his finest form and the central defensive partnership of Sebastien Bassong and Michael Turner currently isn’t cutting the mustard.  A centre-half is a priority because they need to find a tough backbone if they are to remain in the Premier League.

Linked to: Ola Toivonen (PSV Eindhoven), Chris Samba (Dinamo Moscow)

 

Southampton

The Saints’ bright start to the season has been tempered somewhat recently amid a run of tough fixtures.  However they continue to play a wonderfully slick brand of football and Mauricio Pochettino’s men have been a breath of fresh air in the top flight.  Their footballing philosophy requires a certain type of player, technically gifted and intelligent, and I am not sure that player is available to them at the moment with the budget they have.  Their biggest fight in this transfer window will be keeping hold of Mark Clattenburg’s favourite man, Adam Lallana, hotshot forward Jay Rodriguez, and two of the country’s most promising full-backs, Luke Shaw and Nathaniel Clyne.  The defence has not recently been as mean as previously but given where they were last season, most Saints fans would bite your hand off for their current league position.  An added bonus would be to get summer signing Dani Osvaldo scoring regularly.

Linked to: Ever Banega (Valencia), Diego (Wolfsburg)

 

Stoke City

Everyone’s least favourite team are doing a frustratingly competent job of staying in the Premier League.  I was hoping that the departure of Tony Pulis in the summer would lead to an inevitable slide into the Championship but so far my hopes have been dashed.  The Potters haven’t exactly been impressive this season (save for the 3-2 defeat of Chelsea) but Liverpool loanee Oussama Assaidi has been a bright light, as has the evergreen Peter Crouch.  Asmir Begovic continues to excel in goal but Stoke have not quite been as solid defensively as under Pulis.  They have a good spine to their team but not too much back-up if one of Robert Huth or Ryan Shawcross gets injured.  A forward or attacking midfielder is also a priority if they are to improve on their rather meagre tally of 19 goals so far this season.

Linked to: Michael Mancienne (Hamburg), Ivica Olic (Wolfsburg), Wilfried Zaha (Manchester United), Joleon Lescott (Manchester City)

 

Sunderland

I don’t know what Paolo Di Canio was doing during the summer because he seems to have worsened Sunderland’s squad, rather than strengthening it.  They have an OK midfield – slightly light on creativity but with plenty of fight – but it is up front where they have the real problem.  Leading striker Steven Fletcher has been injured for part of the season, and has not been firing since his return.  The back-up options are simply not good enough for this level.  Jozy Altidore has only scored two goals this season and their joint leading scorer is their right-back David Bardsley with three which tells the whole story.  Also, when injury-prone pair John O’Shea and Wes Brown don’t play, the central defence looks like an accident waiting to happen.  Furthermore, they have the hindrance of having to sell before they can buy.  Marcos Alonso has been brought in on-loan but they need high-quality first-team players, not fringe players.  Gus Poyet has done a good job in galvanising the Black Cats but it may be too late for them to save themselves from relegation.

Linked to:  Darren Bent (Fulham), Wayne Bridge (Reading),

 

Swansea City

Michael Laudrup’s team have endured a trickier second season in the top flight.  They still play attractive pass-and-move football but teams seemed to have worked out how to beat them.  Michu is not the force of last season and I think their squad has been stretched by their European jaunts.  Another striker to relieve the burden on Wilfried Bony and the injured Michu would not go amiss as would a top centre-back.  The Swans have been a bit leaky at the back and this has not been helped by the absence of Dutch stopper Michel Vorm.  Replacement keeper Gerrard Tremmel just isn’t in the same league.  Not totally out of the relegation scrap but should have enough quality to survive with comfort, as shown by their win at Old Trafford on Sunday.

Linked to: Wilfried Zaha (Manchester United), Tom Ince (Blackpool)

 

Tottenham Hotspur

Spurs, rather unwisely, decided to spend all the proceeds from the sale of Gareth Bale on every midfielder ever.  Consequently left back and up front are looking a bit bare.  Danny Rose has recently looked a bit suspect at defending (rather important for a left-back) so that is a priority.  In the striking department, the return from exile of Emmanuel Adebayor has been a godsend and Tim Sherwood has found Tottenham’s attacking mojo again.  Still, if one of Soldado or Adebayor gets injured then an uncharacteristically lacklustre Jermain Defoe and not-all-that-talented Harry Kane wait in the wings.  It will remain to be seen just how much money the notoriously frugal Daniel Levy makes available for transfers.  He may have to dig into his pockets if Spurs are to get into Europe next season.

Linked to: Luke Shaw (Southampton), Mohamed Salah (Basel), Alex Buttner (Manchester United), Ezequiel Lavezzi (PSG), Paul-Georges Ntep (Auxerre)

 

West Bromwich Albion

The Baggies are pretty comfortable in mid-table although whoever takes up the reigns at the Hawthorns will not have a lot of money to play with.  To be honest he won’t need it because West Brom have a good squad and plenty of cover for all positions.  They arguably could do with another right-back as cover for the injury-prone Steven Reid.  The Midlands club have a jewel in Saido Berahino and they will have a job keeping hold of him in the coming months.  They should also use the transfer window to buy Nicolas Anelka a brain.

Linked to: Aaron Cresswell (Ipswich), Wilfried Zaha (Manchester United), Craig Gardner (Sunderland)

 

West Ham

The Hammers have some serious problems.  I watched their 5-0 drubbing to Nottingham Forest at the weekend and it was embarrassing.  Forest could have easily scored 10.  I know West Ham have some defensive injuries but to lose in such a fashion to team from a lower tier is inexcusable.  They need Andy Carroll fit and playing (and scoring) to have any hope of arresting their current slide.  They have been unfortunate to have so many injuries to key players (Collins, Tomkins and Reid) and actually, overall, at the back, they have been fairly solid.  It’s in the final 3rd that they’ve been pretty pathetic.  If Big Sam can do a bit of wheeling and dealing, if he doesn’t play Stewart Downing, if they get their defenders back in time and some decent service to Carroll, and some magic dust, they might just avoid relegation.

Linked to: Asamoah Gyan (Al Ain), Wilfried Zaha (Manchester United), Demba Ba (Chelsea), Andre-Pierre Gignac (Marseille), Chris Samba (Blackburn), Jermain Defoe (Tottenham Hotspur), Nikica Jelavic (Everton).

The Premier League 13/14

The Premier League season starts on Saturday but to be honest, I’m not that bothered by it.  Why?  It feels like there hasn’t even been a break.  Since the Champions League final at the end of May we have had international friendlies at the start of June, then the U-21 European Championships and then the Confederations Cup during the rest of June.  By that time, pre-season has already started and we are into the endless cycle of transfer sagas, manager speculation and predictions.  There is just no let-up.  Football has lost its allure as it creeps ever increasingly into the summer months traditionally reserved for cricket.  Because of the insatiable appetite for the beautiful game, one can watch it all year round and for me, that seems wrong.  I like my June and July to be totally football-free (unless the World Cup is on of course) and so when August comes around, I am genuinely tingling with anticipation at the thought of my first glimpse at the newest signings to the Premier League.  Remember that glorious time, pre-internet, when players like Andrei Kanchelskis and Daniel Amokachi came to England?  The first opportunity one had to see them play was the first game of the season (unless you were some super-keen fanatic who would travel to Bury on a sweltering July evening to see your team put in a half-arsed performance) and one would be genuinely excited.  Nowadays, all the mystique has disappeared.  It’s like a girl on a first date handing you a picture of herself completely starkers.  Yes it’s good to have this information but all the mystery has been ruined.  A couple of clicks and you can see your new signing in action on youtube, read his personal preferences on twitter, get to know his family on Instagram; so this pre-season I have steered clear of youtube, deliberately not followed Iago Aspas on twitter and avoided watching videos of pre-season games.  Despite this impressive self-denial, I am still completely apathetic towards the coming season – and this seriously worries me.

            Part of the problem is that this summer has seen amazing achievements from Britons in other sports.  Whilst our brave footballers were drawing with Ireland, Andy Murray was busy becoming the first British man for 77 years to win Wimbledon.  The Lions were winning their first test series in four attempts and England’s cricketers are currently making mincemeat of Australia in the Ashes.  Not to mention Mo Farah’s 10,000m victory at the World Championships or Christine Ohurougu’s incredible British record to reclaim her 400m crown on Monday.  In other sports, British competitors are improving, testing themselves against the best in the world and regularly coming out on top.  The footballers meanwhile are plodding along, seemingly content to be good enough, but not world class.  There has been a recent change in the British psyche from being gallant, plucky losers to hard-nosed winners.  This is evident in Rugby Union, Tennis, Cricket, Athletics and Cycling but seems to have passed football by.  I daresay the fact that there is so much money in English football at the moment is to the detriment of the game.  Young players who have achieved relatively little get rewarded with huge contracts and suddenly at 19, 20, 21 they are already millionaires living a very comfortable lifestyle.  Take Raheem Sterling for example.  He played maybe two or three good games for Liverpool last season, yet was demanding a £30k plus per-week contract (as an 18 year-old) when in real terms, he had done absolutely sweet FA.  Liverpool, loathe to lose one of their brightest talents, relented and Sterling proceeds to go and behave like a complete wally and gets himself arrested last week.  Is that the behaviour of a potential star of the future?  Do you hear about the best young Spanish or German or Italian players (let’s forget about Balotelli for a second) conducting themselves in such a manner?

            One thing that I have noticed about successful athletes from other sports is their hunger and desire to win, their willingness to work hard to achieve their goals, and how grounded and disciplined they are.  Take Mo Farah for example.  In preparation for the World Championships he spent several weeks training at altitude in the Swiss and Austrian Alps.  Farah has a young family and he sacrificed seeing them in pursuit of his goal of a gold medal – so much so that he admitted his youngest daughter barely recognises him.  Bradley Wiggins, in a similar situation to Farah with a young family, spent weeks training at altitude in Tenerife in preparation for his tilt at the 2012 Tour de France.  This is the sort of dedication and ruthlessness required to become the best in the world.  The footballers of today seldom have such drive and desire.  Last year, England cricket’s star batsman, Kevin Pietersen, fresh from a stunning 149 not out to save the game against South Africa at Headingley, was dropped for creating dressing-room unrest by sending provocative texts to the opposition and generally being a bit of a Billy big-bollocks.  England lost the next game, but sent Pietersen a strong message which was along the lines of ‘nothing is bigger than the team.’  The Surrey man repented, was re-admitted to the team with the proviso of a new attitude and look what has happened since: England have not lost a series.

            I like the Premier League, I genuinely do.  It is probably the most exciting league in the world and it showcases some of the greatest players on the planet.  However, especially since the 2012 Olympics, I have become slightly disillusioned with football.  The Olympics was a glorious festival of sport, where athletes dedicated up to four years of their lives living off pittance in some cases in the pursuit of a medal (in some cases, just the start line).   That is what sport is about – the passion, the determination, the drive to try hard every day in the pursuit of excellence.  When I see Premier League footballers not giving much of a shit (Q.P.R take note) who are on more money per week than most athletes earn in a year, it leaves a slightly bitter taste in the mouth.

            So, what hopes do I have for the coming season?  I hope that the football will take pride of place instead of debates about strikers trying to eat central defenders.  I hope the season will throw up a surprise package that plays enterprising football (Stoke and West Ham to be relegated please).  I hope that just for once, greedy footballers stop thinking about how much money they can earn, handing in transfer requests and actually get on with improving themselves.  I hope that I can fall back in love with the beautiful game.  I hope, but I won’t hold by breath.

Relegation finally becomes reality for Wigan Athletic

How can a team who wins the FA Cup by beating the reigning Premier League Champions in the final still be one of the three worst teams in the league?  Wigan Athletic can.  The Lancashire club finally ended their 8 year stay in the top flight with an abject defeat away to Arsenal on Tuesday night.  It concludes a mad, topsy-turvy season where Wigan have been utterly terrible one week (witness the 4-0 defeat at home to Liverpool on March 2nd) and then outrageously brilliant the next week (the 3-0 victory away to Everton in the FA Cup 6th round).  In reality, Wigan aren’t the 18th best side in the Premier League; for the style of football they play and the exceptional performances they are sometimes capable of producing they should be at least three or four positions higher.  They are a much more talented side than Stoke City and Sunderland, both of whom play diabolical route-one shite, yet still manage to retain their Premier League status every year (I’ve got my fingers crossed both go down next season).  Ultimately, football is a results-based business and Wigan haven’t got enough positive ones; hence they can look forward to delightful away trips to the likes of Milwall and Doncaster.

During their 8 seasons in the Premier League, Wigan have only failed to be involved in a relegation scrap three times, the last of which was in 2008/09 – Steve Bruce’s final season in charge.  Their current manager, Roberto Martinez, is feted all over the country as one of the best young managers around, yet his team are consistently in the bottom 5 of the table every season.  Is this a performance of an outstanding young manager?  True, Martinez has a very limited budget with which to operate and has had to deal with an alarming turnover of players, but surely the club had a plan to improve long-term instead of just aiming to scrape survival every season?

One of Wigan’s major problems is their supporter base, or lack of it.  In an area with Liverpool, Everton, both Manchester clubs, Blackpool, Preston North End, Blackburn Rovers, Burnley, Bolton Wanderers, Rochdale, Oldham Athletic and Stockport County within a 40 mile radius, they are up against some stiff competition for fans and consequently, they struggle to contend with the more established clubs.  Moreover, Wigan is predominantly a Rugby League town whose team, the Wigan Warriors, have rich history of success and a wider, die-hard support.  Throw in the mix the fact that Wigan is not exactly the most affluent of areas and you have a very difficult climate in which to compete.  Money talks in the game of football and Wigan understand their status as one of the smaller teams so they struggle to attract the top-level players.  Often they have to wheel and deal ‘Arry Redknapp style to build a squad.  Credit must go to the owner, Dave Whelan, a local man who has built up this Wigan side since the early days when they were playing in the old Fourth Division to crowds of less than a thousand.  Whelan is an astute businessman and will not overspend and put the club at serious financial risk.  This is all well and good but to guarantee safety in the Premier League, you have to at least spend some money.  Since their arrival 8 years ago, Wigan have consistently had to over-achieve just to stay in the top flight.  Sooner or later, the team will simply ‘achieve’ their potential or under-achieve – like the current season.  The players have made too many mistakes, the team has been consistently inconsistent and their defence has been leakier than a colander.

Wigan’s lack of financial clout has resulted in their star players being tempted elsewhere.  Key players such as Antonio Valencia, Wilson Palacios, Leighton Baines, Lee Cattermole, Emile Heskey (stop sniggering at the back), Titus Bramble (I said stop sniggering!), Hugo Rodallega and Mohammed Diame to name but a few have all left the club, the majority of which still had their best years ahead of them.  It is therefore very difficult to build a team around key individuals if said individuals keep leaving every year.  Martinez especially has had to work with almost a blank canvas at the start of every season.  With such a high turnover of players, it takes time for the team to gel which explains Wigan’s pedestrian starts to almost every Premier League season.  Consequently they have to turn it on in the second half of the season against teams who are desperate for points at both ends of the table.  This season it has just proved beyond them and ironically it is probably their finest moment which has contributed the most to their downfall.  Winning the FA Cup is a terrific achievement and to overcome the superstars of Manchester City in the manner they did in the final is a testament to the team’s ability (which has been all too absent this season) but like Middlesborough, who were finalists in 1997, it has come at the expense of their Premier League status.

After 2012’s Great Escape, I genuinely thought Wigan were going to be OK this season.  They seemed to have a (relatively) settled side which played attractive, penetrative football and crucially, a home-nations spine to the team in the shapes of Scotsmen Gary Caldwell, Shaun Maloney and James McCarthur and Irishman James McCarthy.  The likes of Ali Al-Habsi, Emmerson Boyce, Antolin Alcaraz, Caldwell, Maynor Figueroa, McCarthur, McCarthy, Maloney, Jean Beausejour and Franco Di Santo had been at the club for a good two years or more and there was a sense that they could really kick on and finally establish themselves in mid-table security.  They acquired a true goalscorer in Arouna Kone from Levante after a productive season in La Liga and with the likes of exciting young winger Calum McManaman coming through the ranks, the future looked bright.

Instead what happened was an unmitigated disaster, winning only four league matches before Christmas, collecting a mere 15 points with half the season already gone.  Wigan’s defence was wonderfully accommodating if you were an opposition striker and goalkeeper Ali Al-Habsi was giving away goals like he was having a yard-sale.  January and February were an improvement but again the defence was the problem conceding four against Manchester United and Chelsea and three in a painful home defeat to Sunderland.  Crippling injuries played a key part because there was never a settled back four (or three depending on the system Martinez played) and often they looked like they had just met each other five minutes before the match.  At various points in the season, Spanish centre-back Ivan Ramis (who looked very promising) and Alcaraz were sidelined for significant periods of time and Martinez had to sign the Austrian utility player Paul Scharner on loan for his second spell at the club to provide cover.

By the beginning of March it was clear that Wigan needed a revival of Lazarus proportions to stay in the Premier League, but they just left themselves with too much to do.  They were relying on the fact that they had done it the previous year but calamitous mistakes at key points in the season proved too costly.  Drab performances against Liverpool and more recently at QPR provided them with a mountain to climb meaning that they effectively needed to win at least three out of their last four games.  Ultimately, this metaphorical mountain was insurmountable but all is not lost for the discerning Wigan supporter.

The team is in a healthy financial position; at the helm is a promising, if slightly overrated manager and vitally, the club will not have to sell too many of its first-team players.  If the club can hold on to the likes of McCarthy, McCarthur, McManaman and do some shrewd business in the transfer market (preferably with a name beginning with Mc), a rapid return to the top flight is not out of the question.  I expect Kone, Figeuroa and Maloney and maybe a few others to leave in order to trim the wage bill and free up some extra funds but the basis of the football club is there.  Wigan have a clear footballing philosophy and in Dave Whelan, they have a chairman who has the best interests of the club at heart.  Plus there is the added bonus of European football for the first time.  I really like Wigan Athletic and I hope to see them gracing the Premier League again.  Preferably at the expense of Stoke City.  Or Sunderland.  Or West Ham.